till the memoir last long

Mahallah Nusaibah IIUM Handball players 2013

am i ready?

i dont know how to begin this but lets just start typing as the battery is dying already.

there's one friend asking me whether i am still in the relationship with my nan pengyou. i answered her yes.. exactly it'll be yes. she then told me tht she found that some of her friends are still in doubt whether being in a relationship will guarantee them that their partners are the chosen one or the right one for them. she then asked me how am i sure that my nan pengyou is the right one?

obviously.. there's no answer to that. as for me, if you are in a relationship, you must set a goal of what do you want to achieve in it in future. whether it's just for the sake of time-wasting.. or maybe just for some enjoyment where everyone's got themselves one and probably u wanna get urself one too. i dont know if u r in that list. but for me.. to be in that way, it's just bullshit. why do you want to end up like that instead of you can make yourself aim for the betterment which is marriage?? =.=" and that's why budak sekolah pun semangat bercinta sakan. pelajaran entah ke mana sibuk nak berbaby2... buwekkkk...

and plizz.. dont be too prejudice towards guys. x semua lelaki sama. they are just to slow to reach to the maturity level to think about responsibility and future commitment. it's just like nowadays.. there are so much things to do. so much things to enjoy and so much things to explore. getting marriage is kinda good at early 22s for women but not for men.. coz marriage in reality restricts both parties. for women.. u may lose your friends to gossip/chat.. and for men they may lose their friends to linger around.. no more lepak2 at warung mamak to watch football together.. no more get-to-know new girls surround coz of responsibility in marriage.

and me.. there's no doubt that i wanna get married now. to legalize everything.. to secure the relationship. but lets just think about it a second.. am i willing to let go off my family.. my personal routine.. my laziness..etc etc.. am i that ready to wake up early coz im a sleepy-head.. preparing the breakfast for the hubby.. cooking.. laundry job.. doing the chores while at the same time devoting myself to study...?? am i that ready to live with a man and share everything with him?? am i??

well.. im not really sure bout tht. my maturity level is not yet very convincing.. im sort of perfectionist. i hate any defection. im not an extrovert and outspoken but when i speak.. its like an order where i want things to be done in my way. im all negative when it comes to anger. nevertheless.. i knew that, that man has surely changed me a lil bit. =).. and of course.. im very grateful to have him. we both have lots of thing to settle first before we decided to get married. but insyallah.. with Allah's permission.. he'll be my other half someday. and till that day, i'll try to survive in this relationship and improve everything.. coz marriage is one thing that i've set in my life the day i step in this. and to my nan pengyou.. its only prayer to make sure that u'll be my mr.right. 

appreciate

It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don’t really see ourselves. 

We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. 

We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. 

You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. 

There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself.” 

— dirty wings